zwalixx

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Offline (the 11/12/2014 at 8:25am)

zwalixx

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 3 May 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1887
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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zwalixx's page activity

Visits<b>duckman9</b> - the 06/21/2013 at 2:23pm<b>Dodopy</b> - the 03/09/2013 at 10:50pm

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zwalixx's favorite FMLs

Today, I found my electric globe. It asks you where a state, country or city is and you would have to find it and click on it with the pen. I also found out that my parents would sneak into my room at night, take it and play 'strip-globe'. FML

by Charlotte / 01/25/2011 at 9:10am / Intimacy

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 3:25am / United States (Connecticut) / Animals

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

by synyster505 / 12/19/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

by parentfail / 12/11/2010 at 9:44am / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 8:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

by Pita / 12/04/2010 at 3:35pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I decided to put on my Halloween make-up to be sure that I could and that it would look nice. I was satisfied with my results, and went to wash it off. Everything came off fine, except for the eye liner and eye shadow. It's bright purple. I'm a man. Halloween isn't until Sunday. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2010 at 2:57pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

by maddiee. / 10/21/2010 at 11:20am / Indonesia (Jakarta Raya) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:45am / Brunei Darussalam / Love

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said: "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 10:04am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

by Username / 08/04/2010 at 1:18am / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

by animelover / 07/25/2010 at 7:21pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

by spriggs / 07/25/2010 at 5:06am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

by cmore / 03/10/2010 at 8:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy