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zwalixx's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 9:20am / United States (New Mexico) / Love
by ThatOneGirl646 / 01/11/2012 at 7:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Needsanewjob / 01/10/2012 at 10:34am / United States (Arizona) / Work
by blegh / 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML
by Poorman / 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm / United Kingdom / Work
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm / United States / Love
Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 1:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by tireedddddd / 11/25/2011 at 11:24am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 7:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
by unicorn / 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/04/2011 at 1:41am / United States / Love
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML
by Kathryn / 08/13/2011 at 6:31am / Belgium / Kids
Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
by Anonymous / 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
- Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I… Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!"… Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on…