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Today I Was At Te Park Wit My Autistic Son Wen I Noticed A Teenage Grl Imitating Im By Flapping Er Ands And Walking On Er Toes. Fed Up Wit Cildren Mocking My Son, I Went Over And Sternly Lectured Te Grl's Moter. Turns Out, Er Daugter Is Autistic Too And Will Be In My Son's Class. FML
YESTERDAY THE GIRL I HAVE BEEN DATING 4 THE PAST FIVE YEARS ASKED ME TO MOVE TO CALIFORNIA WITH HER TO GET MARRIED . NATURALLY, I WAS THRILLED AN SAID, "OF COURSE, WHEN DO U WANT TO LEAVE?" . SHE JUST STARED AT ME BLANKLY AN SAID, "SHIT, I WAS KIDDING." FML
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across mah back and said ( You're so cute, I'd lyk to take you home and lock you in mah basement nakd so you can't leave ) and walkd out. mega FML
Today, a completely drunk grl walked across te bar and punced me in te face because I was wereing te same dress as er, and er boyfriend said it looked better on me. Wile I was screaming at er fir being a stupid bitc, se puked all over me, wiped er mout and lauged before se passed out. FML
Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demandd a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shout "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shout "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. mega FML
Today, I went to the movie alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying fir exams . I found him making out with another grl whilst in the queue . When I confrontd him by text he denid that it was him . I saw him check the text and reply . FML
Today , before I went to bed , I watched a terrifying movie with zombies . I woke up with a headache , a bloody nose , and mah mom standing over me frantically asking me wat was wrong . Apparently I had been "fighting the zombie off" in mah sleep and had been punching myself in the face . FML
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleephile I was tanning!! When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically!! I askedhat was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that u woke yourself up." FML
Today, I gave mah girlfriend a small stun gun I bought 4 her !! She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her !! She then putted the tazer to mah chest !! When I woke up, she told me how it was mah fault, 4 buying it 4 her !! FML
2day I worked at job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around an make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw boyfriend in a seat an ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down cheating boyfriend an the new girl. FML
yesterday I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already looool know her. Not only are we the same age an went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names cuz "we could pass as twins". FML
Friday 27 March 2015