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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7623) - you deserved it (3103)
On 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm - misc - by Jman6295 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8691) - you deserved it (36395)
On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9733) - you deserved it (1003)
On 01/05/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6751) - you deserved it (1753)
On 01/05/2012 at 10:45pm - animals - by britanyann (woman) - United States
Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22534) - you deserved it (3055)
On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12473) - you deserved it (39104)
On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24383) - you deserved it (1856)
On 01/08/2010 at 2:23am - kids - by PeanutlyDisabled - France
Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML
I agree, your life sucks (23582) - you deserved it (5682)
On 11/26/2009 at 5:18am - love - by amy1023 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57269) - you deserved it (8514)
On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9233) - you deserved it (24019)
On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each others company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13105) - you deserved it (2859)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by awkwardbf (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47481) - you deserved it (15581)
On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6196) - you deserved it (23632)
On 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by mrboston (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32902) - you deserved it (1917)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - animals - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52118) - you deserved it (11878)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
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