zolltf

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zolltf

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2006
  • Number of comments : 92
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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zolltf's page activity

Visits<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 9:42pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 9:15pm<b>ThatOneGuyKy</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 10:33pm<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 4:23am<b>BrianaRadke</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 3:48pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 9:50pm<b>supertacowaffle</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 12:58pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 12:31am<b>Si123</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 6:54pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 10:37am<b>sulvan182</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 9:25pm<b>volleyball2700</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 11:28pm<b>theperfectchild</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:18pm<b>Kataclysm97</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 11:09am<b>sp00derman</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 6:28pm<b>0XBlazeX0</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 10:37pm<b>jnajmc6</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 1:44pm<b>Thatepicperson</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 2:08pm

Fucked!<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 3:42am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 6:31am<b>Kataclysm97</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 5:09pm<b>Thatepicperson</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 8:08pm<b>nhaba1214</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 2:35pm

zolltf's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of zolltf's badges

zolltf's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

by Kilika / 06/07/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

by helloitsbrian6969 / 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

by Jopes / 05/10/2009 at 8:44am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

by anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 1:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

by Fitz / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

by omgn00blolz89 / 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

by Mike / 03/21/2009 at 11:38am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 5:30am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

by SadDad / 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

by theguy24 / 01/27/2009 at 7:47am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy