zolltf

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zolltf

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1842
  • Number of comments : 92
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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zolltf's page activity

Visits<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 9:42pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 9:15pm<b>ThatOneGuyKy</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 10:33pm<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 4:23am<b>BrianaRadke</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 3:48pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 9:50pm<b>supertacowaffle</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 12:58pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 12:31am<b>Si123</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 6:54pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 10:37am<b>sulvan182</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 9:25pm<b>volleyball2700</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 11:28pm<b>theperfectchild</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:18pm<b>Kataclysm97</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 11:09am<b>sp00derman</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 6:28pm<b>0XBlazeX0</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 10:37pm<b>jnajmc6</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 1:44pm<b>Thatepicperson</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 2:08pm

Fucked!<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 3:42am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 6:31am<b>Kataclysm97</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 5:09pm<b>Thatepicperson</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 8:08pm<b>nhaba1214</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 2:35pm

zolltf's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of zolltf's badges

zolltf's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm a 25-year-old married woman and I'm currently living with my grandfather to take care of him. Today, he grounded me. FML

by grounded. / 03/02/2010 at 1:46am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

by CrappyValentine / 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

by Oops / 01/14/2010 at 10:55am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML

by EgoMoose / 12/28/2009 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

by Davios / 12/27/2009 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

by Thanks / 11/27/2009 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML

by thelistman / 10/09/2009 at 9:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

by shouldhaveknown / 06/26/2009 at 10:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

by enderw / 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

by OhGeez / 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy