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zolltf's favorite FMLs
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by ugh / 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML
by patrickalamo / 06/14/2011 at 10:23am / United States (Texas) / Work
by failed / 02/23/2011 at 5:06am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 10:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 9:51am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 02/19/2011 at 2:57am / China / Intimacy
Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML
by inthecold / 02/19/2011 at 12:41am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
by blaahh / 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
by afafakfhsg / 02/18/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML
by non believer / 09/23/2010 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 5:15am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by awkwardsituation / 07/11/2010 at 4:05am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2010 at 7:54am / United States (Georgia) / Love
by lalararara / 03/04/2010 at 10:48am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…