zolltf

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zolltf

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1962
  • Number of comments : 92
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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zolltf's page activity

Visits<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 9:42pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/26/2016 at 9:15pm<b>ThatOneGuyKy</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 10:33pm<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 4:23am<b>BrianaRadke</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 3:48pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 9:50pm<b>supertacowaffle</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 12:58pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 12:31am<b>Si123</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 6:54pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 10:37am<b>sulvan182</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 9:25pm<b>volleyball2700</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 11:28pm<b>theperfectchild</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:18pm<b>Kataclysm97</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 11:09am<b>sp00derman</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 6:28pm<b>0XBlazeX0</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 10:37pm<b>jnajmc6</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 1:44pm<b>Thatepicperson</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 2:08pm

Fucked!<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 3:42am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 6:31am<b>Kataclysm97</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 5:09pm<b>Thatepicperson</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 8:08pm<b>nhaba1214</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 2:35pm

zolltf's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of zolltf's badges

zolltf's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

by ugh / 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML

by patrickalamo / 06/14/2011 at 10:23am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

by failed / 02/23/2011 at 5:06am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 10:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave a safe sex speech to teens at my local high school. This was just ten minutes after my girlfriend had texted me, telling me she's pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 9:51am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

by Username / 02/19/2011 at 2:57am / China / Intimacy

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

by inthecold / 02/19/2011 at 12:41am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

by blaahh / 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

by afafakfhsg / 02/18/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML

by non believer / 09/23/2010 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 5:15am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML

by awkwardsituation / 07/11/2010 at 4:05am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2010 at 7:54am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

by lalararara / 03/04/2010 at 10:48am / United States / Intimacy