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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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zolltf

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zolltf
  • Town/Country : Pincourt, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 16 November 1994 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 753
  • Number of comments : 91
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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zolltf's FML badges

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zolltf's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334 (305)

I agree, your life sucks (9222) - you deserved it (41275)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

#16661318 (228)

I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (2583)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by ugh - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML

#16659246 (170)

I agree, your life sucks (10399) - you deserved it (24487)

On 06/14/2011 at 10:23am - work - by patrickalamo - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841 (220)

I agree, your life sucks (16570) - you deserved it (30624)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

#15039071 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (20230) - you deserved it (3193)

On 02/19/2011 at 10:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I gave a safe sex speech to teens at my local high school. This was just ten minutes after my girlfriend had texted me, telling me she's pregnant. FML

#15038922 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (8423) - you deserved it (29126)

On 02/19/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

#15036556 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (24869) - you deserved it (4759)

On 02/19/2011 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Username - China

Today, I went to a party 40 minutes away by bus with some friends. We missed the bus, waited half an hour for the second, and arrived just in time to hear the policemen say, "Party's over. Get outta here." FML

#15035119 (81)

I agree, your life sucks (17689) - you deserved it (5394)

On 02/19/2011 at 12:41am - misc - by inthecold (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

#15031615 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (20037) - you deserved it (11134)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm - love - by blaahh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

#15030689 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (21841) - you deserved it (8030)

On 02/18/2011 at 7:19pm - intimacy - by afafakfhsg (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML

#13165960 (315)

I agree, your life sucks (24500) - you deserved it (9943)

On 09/23/2010 at 2:08am - misc - by non believer - United States (Washington)

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (31730) - you deserved it (3079)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML

#11806163 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (26095) - you deserved it (3130)

On 07/11/2010 at 4:05am - intimacy - by awkwardsituation - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

#8841387 (140)

I agree, your life sucks (26446) - you deserved it (1977)

On 03/05/2010 at 7:54am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

#8821519 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (16453) - you deserved it (4021)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:48am - intimacy - by lalararara - United States