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Mobility
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Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32615) - you deserved it (4966)
On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28478) - you deserved it (3286)
On 04/16/2011 at 4:39am - love - by Username - United States
Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27668) - you deserved it (4780)
On 04/15/2011 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17474) - you deserved it (11464)
On 04/13/2011 at 3:05am - animals - by Username -
Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35210) - you deserved it (2150)
On 04/11/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by bananaman - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20911) - you deserved it (2246)
Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37401) - you deserved it (3918)
On 04/03/2011 at 5:16am - love - by Baldy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23722) - you deserved it (3053)
On 03/28/2011 at 7:52am - misc - by screwedhousemate (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriends emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44594) - you deserved it (3088)
On 03/24/2011 at 9:30pm - love - by tannerpaul -
Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29035) - you deserved it (8489)
On 03/23/2011 at 12:21pm - animals - by Username - United States (Florida)
Today, while serving drinks at work to a group of people getting tipsy on wine, I joked about it being obvious who the designated driver was to the only gentleman who'd been religiously sticking to coke all night. He coldly informed me that he was a recovering alcoholic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21365) - you deserved it (10491)
On 03/20/2011 at 7:29pm - work - by AwkwardWaitress (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24341) - you deserved it (5411)
On 03/20/2011 at 5:40pm - love - by krissy - United States (Texas)
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40640) - you deserved it (7575)
On 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm - kids - by parenting_failure (man) - Sent from mobile version
Today, at 21 years of age, my doctor confirmed that I am, indeed, going bald. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, even expected, if I wasn't a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35726) - you deserved it (2763)
On 03/19/2011 at 5:13pm - health - by Jessica - Romania (Neamt)
Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18580) - you deserved it (3413)
On 03/11/2011 at 9:11am - health - by Pain_intolerant - Canada
Monday 20 May 2013
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