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Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52559) - you deserved it (2764)
On 04/23/2009 at 10:09am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46220) - you deserved it (9608)
On 04/19/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by scarletdurose88 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was going on a plane to Chicago. My passport picture is 6 years old, and back then I was a beautiful model. Now, I gave birth to a child and gained 50 lbs. When I showed my passport to the airport atendents, I got arrested for stealing someones passport. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67239) - you deserved it (8396)
On 04/12/2009 at 6:51am - misc - by chococool223 (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (93846) - you deserved it (4010)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59742) - you deserved it (15452)
On 04/07/2009 at 7:34pm - kids - by ugly (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my daughter ran up to a librarian working in the kids section and screamed "MOMMY!" and hugged her. She looked at her and said "I'm not your mommy." My daughters reply: "I know. But you're better than mommy" FML
I agree, your life sucks (64669) - you deserved it (5640)
On 04/07/2009 at 3:32am - work - by Windstar (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77122) - you deserved it (7550)
On 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm - work - by mrWrong (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27077) - you deserved it (69083)
On 03/17/2009 at 11:15pm - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML
I agree, your life sucks (61321) - you deserved it (5441)
On 03/06/2009 at 9:55pm - love - by promdump (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25904) - you deserved it (66075)
On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and says "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50677) - you deserved it (8818)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:26pm - love - by ak (man) - United States (Alaska)
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85803) - you deserved it (192045)
On 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm - love - by MrCanoe (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45757) - you deserved it (3370)
On 02/25/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by MADfml - United States (Virginia)
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59603) - you deserved it (2147)
On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria's Secret. I saw a picture of a model and said, "I wish I looked like that." He replied with, "Me too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34162) - you deserved it (18007)
On 02/19/2009 at 1:29am - love - by littelace - United States (Iowa)
Monday 20 May 2013
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