About zobara : There's nothing to say about me.
zobara's FML badges
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
zobara's favorite FMLs
by ForSeriousReally / 06/11/2016 at 1:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:15am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Health
by djurmel89 / 06/07/2016 at 12:48pm / Germany / Health
Today, at my new fast food job, I was in charge of filtering the grease out of the fryers. I accidentally turned the wrong lever and flooded the kitchen with hot oil. It took over 3 hours to clean up, and my manager is furious. FML
by Punkpoptart1119 / 06/06/2016 at 7:57pm / Work
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
by Reeen / 06/03/2016 at 6:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I decided to work on my social anxiety by ordering some food. I waited in line, practicing my order in my head all the way. When I got to the front, I said my order with no mistakes. The cashier just stared blankly at me until I mumbled, "Never mind..." and left. FML
by EyesofStone / 05/31/2016 at 9:03pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
by scarred for life / 05/28/2016 at 1:23am / United States (Indiana) / Health
Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML
by Spongebob Garypants / 05/25/2016 at 10:05pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on the job. After his mom finally got home 4 hours later, he called her a slut. When he got in trouble for it, he claimed that I taught him the word. Needless to say, I didn't get paid. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2016 at 12:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML
by korbo7 / 05/16/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
by captainuniverse / 05/14/2016 at 1:53am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, my husband and I got into a huge fight about his ex-fiancée, after I found out he's been confessing his love to her behind my back. Our fight ended with him yelling that yes, she's the love of his life, "But I still married you, didn't I?" FML
by JustTheWife / 05/12/2016 at 1:24pm / Denmark / Love
Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML
by dempasi / 05/06/2016 at 2:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous