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Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12218) - you deserved it (32631)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23873) - you deserved it (2055)
On 10/13/2012 at 8:04am - intimacy - by notthebesttime -
Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12122) - you deserved it (1496)
Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18051) - you deserved it (2085) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5791) - you deserved it (75870)
On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)
Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18038) - you deserved it (549)
On 06/13/2012 at 5:08am - misc - by pandora (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)
Today, the mouse trap I set in my kitchen worked. I caught a snake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22957) - you deserved it (1986)
On 04/06/2012 at 9:17am - animals - by rubberduckie94 (woman) - United States
Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21305) - you deserved it (3438)
On 02/22/2012 at 4:37am - love - by Lonely Gay (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend's father suggested that, ideally, I should aim to have my baby in early July, or wait until he gets back from Europe in October. I'm due September 4th, and he will be "incredibly disappointed" if he misses the birth of his first grandchild due to my "selfishness". FML
I agree, your life sucks (23750) - you deserved it (1891)
On 02/19/2012 at 3:55am - health - by preggo - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went out on a first date. He insisted we go to McDonald's and split a Happy Meal because he "didn't want to waste any money on a first date." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25369) - you deserved it (3039)
On 02/17/2012 at 4:44am - love - by Cheap N Happy (woman) - United States
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26495) - you deserved it (1601)
On 02/13/2012 at 7:03am - health - by loveinanelevator (man) -
Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28438) - you deserved it (2414)
On 02/01/2012 at 11:35pm - money - by zobara - Switzerland
Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26317) - you deserved it (2721)
On 01/15/2012 at 4:00am - intimacy - by involuntary waxing - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling good about it until I saw the interviewer. It was a guy I had sex with and never called again. He remembered me too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12483) - you deserved it (33672)
On 01/05/2012 at 11:00am - intimacy - by jwshrieky - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27889) - you deserved it (4963)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Monday 20 May 2013
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