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Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7157) - you deserved it (812)
On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States
Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5116) - you deserved it (1840)
On 04/12/2012 at 7:53pm - misc - by questionmark707 (man) - United States (California)
Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8672) - you deserved it (1387)
On 04/11/2012 at 12:54pm - love - by mista_sandy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6777) - you deserved it (13365)
On 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by Becca (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4669) - you deserved it (2198)
On 04/06/2012 at 7:10am - intimacy - by TJ - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2048) - you deserved it (9291)
On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6745) - you deserved it (795)
On 04/01/2012 at 12:32am - work - by Kristat (woman) - United States
Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4243) - you deserved it (1076)
On 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4881) - you deserved it (2633)
On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland
Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17438) - you deserved it (9566)
On 03/16/2012 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1889) - you deserved it (8372)
On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States
Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26891) - you deserved it (3638)
On 03/10/2012 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)
Today, due to the powerful antibiotic I was taking for a bad infection on my knee, I had no control over my bowels and proceeded to shit my pants while discussing a plumbing problem in a customers basement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7410) - you deserved it (581)
On 03/06/2012 at 6:53am - health - by beernuts - United States
Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21255) - you deserved it (3452)
On 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm - misc - by baconandkittens (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20148) - you deserved it (3025)
On 02/19/2012 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymoosey - Canada
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