zandizee

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Offline (the 06/27/2015 at 12:05pm)

zandizee

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  • Number of visits : 149
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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50 favourites

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zandizee's favorite FMLs

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

by UngratefulBrat / 12/28/2012 at 2:03am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

by geewhy / 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

by gaggin / 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 12:33am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

by creedonfied / 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

by spiderwoman / 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Animals

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

by Lilly / 10/30/2012 at 2:45pm / United States / Animals

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

by With_Love929 / 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 1:59am / United States / Animals

Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML

by puppylove / 10/20/2012 at 3:16am / United States / Animals

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2012 at 11:31am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

by clitorasaurus / 08/21/2010 at 2:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Health