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zah_ali's favorite FMLs
by fmlguy382 / 06/22/2011 at 4:13am / United States / Intimacy
by Me / 06/20/2011 at 12:14pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by secretpornstar / 06/13/2011 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
by MakeMeASandwich / 06/10/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by wtf / 06/09/2011 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Health
by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML
by kaleigh / 05/31/2011 at 1:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/17/2011 at 6:06am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy
by coldwetnose / 05/09/2011 at 2:08am / United States / Intimacy
Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML
by 2classicNot2 / 04/09/2011 at 3:52am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by notfunny / 04/08/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML
by Anonymous / 04/08/2011 at 7:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
- Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing… Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was…