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zah_ali's favorite FMLs
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
by Username / 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by ThisBlows / 09/21/2011 at 1:20pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by Cantgetno / 09/20/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 4:27pm / United States / Love
Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML
by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by jgdgjyfg / 07/25/2011 at 3:21am / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Health
by jab43 / 07/22/2011 at 8:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by growlr / 07/20/2011 at 5:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/27/2011 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
by Eve / 06/24/2011 at 6:45am / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…