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zah_ali's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML
by bigmistake / 12/23/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/21/2011 at 1:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by Doy / 12/19/2011 at 1:31am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love
by teejayrn / 12/17/2011 at 1:49am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 6:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
by mattdevil / 12/08/2011 at 1:57pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by ravlol / 11/25/2011 at 1:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Faithful / 11/24/2011 at 5:01am / Singapore / Intimacy
by Tyler / 11/19/2011 at 3:05am / United States / Intimacy
by whatadisappointmnet / 11/05/2011 at 2:58pm / United States / Intimacy
by rj93 / 11/05/2011 at 9:43am / United Kingdom (Ballymena) / Health
Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
by me / 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm / United States (Maine) / Kids
by pixiebubz / 10/05/2011 at 11:59pm / Australia / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without…