Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 03/30/2015 at 3:47am) | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Today, I realized that the drunk-me delete my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad . Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to loose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine . FML
today mah grlfriend an I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day... we finally got intimate... with me doing all she asked of her. In return 4 hard-work... she took mah meat in her hand an started making lightsaber noises... before pronouncing "I don't see why people lyk it so much." FML
2day I woke up after a night of drinking in mah backyard. All I was wearing were mah boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see mah car halfway through mah garage wall with a note saying "Sorry Dude". FML
I woke up excitd fir ma trip to Jamaica wit ma friends. We went to te airport, an I gave tem ma passport to ceck in. Tey gave it back. It ad expird tree weeks ago. I watcd ma friends board te plane wile I'm stuck in te city. FML
Today, while mah boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he lookd down at mah chest and said "I can't wait fir the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime looool soon. FML
Today, my friends looool took my pone and canged all te contact's names to caracters from Harry Potter. I ave over a undred contacts and no idea wo I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 ours now. FML
Taday mah girlfriend an I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to mah girlfriend she was crying an told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy an poured mah beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room fir a guy in a wheelchair. FML
Today, I pulled someone over 4 speeding!! He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine!! It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wereing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine!! FML
Today, I Was Walking With Mah Very Attractive Friendho I Like A Lot . She Then Told Me That Her Roomate Wouldn't Be Home Tonight, And If I Wantd, I Could Come Over And Study History . I Didn't Get It . I Told Her No Thanks, That I Was Coverd, And It Was Chem I Needd To Study . An Hour Later, I Understood . FML
Today, I found out y my husband had wantd to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informd me that he wasn't always Ben, but usd to be Brenda. His 'penis doesn't work and he had wantd to know I "truly lovd him" before he had let me know. fat FML
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015