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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26965) - you deserved it (10067)
On 04/02/2011 at 3:35am - kids - by Viciousvixen_21 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39395) - you deserved it (12272)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don't know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can't take a hint that she didn't give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23959) - you deserved it (2148)
On 03/23/2011 at 10:58am - misc - by jeanstein -
Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16804) - you deserved it (14379)
On 03/10/2011 at 7:51pm - misc - by shia -
Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19111) - you deserved it (4530)
On 03/03/2011 at 6:20am - animals - by panda -
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10275) - you deserved it (25933)
On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31650) - you deserved it (4671)
On 02/22/2011 at 1:00pm - intimacy - by Dilly_20 - United Kingdom
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11616) - you deserved it (41313)
On 02/06/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while in my doctor's packed waiting room, an elderly woman insisted I take her seat. I thanked her, but politely declined. She began to yell, saying I was "ungrateful", until I sat down. She then left, laughing, as I discovered that she peed in the chair. Apparently, she does this often. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33064) - you deserved it (3196)
On 02/03/2011 at 5:40am - health - by Summer_Jane (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9217) - you deserved it (49487)
On 01/29/2011 at 7:35pm - love - by wowimdumb (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8721) - you deserved it (18916)
On 01/07/2011 at 6:24am - kids - by G-6 -
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (6333)
On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -
Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (6333)
On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11106) - you deserved it (20163)
On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25523) - you deserved it (7174)
On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Monday 17 June 2013
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