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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26268) - you deserved it (903)
On 08/10/2011 at 1:48am - misc - by thatfatkid - United States (Iowa)
Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28529) - you deserved it (2520)
On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33278) - you deserved it (2258)
On 08/05/2011 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Creeped_out_n_stuck (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML
I agree, your life sucks (10043) - you deserved it (20896)
On 08/04/2011 at 4:49pm - work - by Donny - United States
Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8160) - you deserved it (64884)
On 08/04/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by jshi8 - United States (Maryland)
Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37675) - you deserved it (2159)
On 08/04/2011 at 1:44am - animals - by SydIsPrettyCool - United States (Michigan)
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9513) - you deserved it (49785)
On 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22438) - you deserved it (2199)
On 07/31/2011 at 2:17am - health - by The Joker? - United States (Iowa)
Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25281) - you deserved it (1963)
On 07/30/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by womboman - United States
Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8020) - you deserved it (52692)
On 07/30/2011 at 12:38am - animals - by loser4life - United States (Colorado)
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24106) - you deserved it (11435)
On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8457) - you deserved it (71707)
On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32625) - you deserved it (4782)
On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28134) - you deserved it (6461)
On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (4561)
On 07/19/2011 at 11:19am - work - by Bill Harrison - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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