About ycrem0n : "Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is good. But what about having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks?" ¯\(°_o)/¯
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33507) - you deserved it (2675)
On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33507) - you deserved it (2675)
On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28976) - you deserved it (1785)
On 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by jonasister (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13286) - you deserved it (34145)
On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38080) - you deserved it (2629)
On 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm - love - by jordyn173 - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31484) - you deserved it (2259)
On 11/27/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9135) - you deserved it (28464)
On 09/22/2011 at 12:44am - misc - by mortenp - United States (Maryland)
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32901) - you deserved it (3156)
On 08/13/2011 at 2:37am - love - by bTOhno - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45765) - you deserved it (2382)
On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)
Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32073) - you deserved it (9439)
On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38254) - you deserved it (10978)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37650) - you deserved it (61557)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML
I agree, your life sucks (57027) - you deserved it (26095)
On 03/17/2009 at 2:17pm - money - by RdL (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Monday 20 May 2013
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