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yags

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yags's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30279) - you deserved it (4339)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49269) - you deserved it (13928)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

#20480979
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40153) - you deserved it (9573)

On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

#20472782
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30140) - you deserved it (4922)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:39am - kids - by dani0810 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20424) - you deserved it (40914)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

#20431241
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33424) - you deserved it (2432)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:14am - work - by avoid the sour cream - United States

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

#19343662
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39451) - you deserved it (12191)

On 03/25/2012 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see who's dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

#15260051
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36392) - you deserved it (3211)

On 03/10/2011 at 6:09am - animals - by Tom -

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

#5954141
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11637) - you deserved it (43979)

On 10/23/2009 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
854 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34078) - you deserved it (253916)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

#703894
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (188181) - you deserved it (31147)

On 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by jdsksoapy (woman) - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (654794) - you deserved it (440421)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (232465) - you deserved it (81224)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)



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