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xviem

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xviem
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 574
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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xviem's favorite FMLs

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53208) - you deserved it (5251)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80448) - you deserved it (11871)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was talking to my ex. After pouring my heart out to her, saying we were meant for each other, she looked at me and said, "Don't bother, I've already slept with your brother." FML

#17725319
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32460) - you deserved it (3592)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:53am - intimacy - by MTJY - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML

#17697276
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26590) - you deserved it (6760)

On 09/08/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he didn't believe in marriage. His response was, "I believe in marriage. Just not marriage with you." FML

#17670643
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32986) - you deserved it (4978)

On 09/05/2011 at 1:05pm - love - by jellyybean - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

#17661211
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29922) - you deserved it (2490)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm - work - by -- - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

#17657733
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34139) - you deserved it (5080)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:08am - intimacy - by May - United States (New York)

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31368) - you deserved it (3516)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

#17563055
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23429) - you deserved it (4643)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:44pm - love - by Embarassed (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

#17545314
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28406) - you deserved it (3525)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:38am - kids - by Danielle - United States (New York)

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

#17526290
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31993) - you deserved it (4347)

On 08/20/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by W1D0 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

#17481344
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11847) - you deserved it (32320)

On 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm - kids - by ollie179 - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

#17480475
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39225) - you deserved it (4609)

On 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

#17436824
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9584) - you deserved it (37768)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

#17421184
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35020) - you deserved it (7810)

On 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm - animals - by Zoe Avila - United States



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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