About xs4u : Social media manager. Tech freak. Horror/science fiction/fantasy film/book buff. LOVE anime & a good laugh. ANDROID is the future.
xs4u's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
xs4u's favorite FMLs
Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML
by That Girl with the Amazon Parrot / 01/04/2014 at 2:21am / United States / Animals
Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 1:10am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML
by ... / 01/04/2014 at 12:25am / United States / Love
Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML
by estranger / 01/03/2014 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
by fuck off, dad / 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I did a bike ride and run with a gent I'm serious about. On the run, I had a big lead until he passed me up saying, "I'm going to marry you." Puzzled that he would propose and then sprint away leaving me trailing, he clarified at the finish. His words: "I'm going to bury you." FML
by Babs / 01/02/2014 at 8:17am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 4:50am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 12:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Vincent / 01/02/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 9:32pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Animals
Today, a customer started a conversation by telling me how smart he'd heard I am, and finished it by explaining his theory that only smart people commit suicide. He then gave me a knowing look and said, "Just something I thought you should think about," and left without buying anything. FML
by Okay_Then / 01/01/2014 at 6:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Crashed / 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML
by SabriLittleRed / 01/01/2014 at 1:18pm / United States (California) / Kids