About xlorawrz : I'm not good at writing these, so...
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Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20336) - you deserved it (9448)
On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21720) - you deserved it (2123)
On 07/09/2012 at 11:40pm - love - by sober (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17298) - you deserved it (1074)
On 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by Boar - United States (New Mexico)
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23070) - you deserved it (2056)
On 06/18/2012 at 7:38am - misc - by DwarfFrog - United States
Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8193) - you deserved it (17838)
On 06/12/2012 at 7:39pm - love - by idontgetit (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24704) - you deserved it (13468)
On 06/10/2012 at 5:16am - love - by fernie vazquez - United States (California)
Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12550) - you deserved it (2030)
On 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm - misc - by cunting cunts (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3522) - you deserved it (19745)
On 05/25/2012 at 2:29am - misc - by Karate Kid (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13523) - you deserved it (2758)
On 05/22/2012 at 12:11pm - love - by boblaj (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)
Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6042) - you deserved it (19956)
On 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm - misc - by smh (man) - United States (California)
Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28961) - you deserved it (3232)
On 05/07/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by coffeeshopgirl (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7766) - you deserved it (116680)
On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14741) - you deserved it (5548)
On 05/05/2012 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4012) - you deserved it (14209)
On 04/06/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23294) - you deserved it (1436)
On 03/22/2012 at 1:14pm - kids - by futuremum (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)
Monday 20 May 2013
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