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xiar

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xiar
  • Town/Country : Calgary, Canada
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 June 1991 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 1069
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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xiar's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24707) - you deserved it (6439)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

#6553131
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43207) - you deserved it (7405)

On 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by xXxJoe16xXx - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML

#6533285
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42296) - you deserved it (2693)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as a walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

#6472214
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24901) - you deserved it (7314)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by fartlover (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

#6276981
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26041) - you deserved it (6897)

On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

#5580795
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29049) - you deserved it (8851)

On 10/01/2009 at 5:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

#5033555
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13169) - you deserved it (40042)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:30am - work - by DrGas (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60652) - you deserved it (15379)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48125) - you deserved it (21627)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51773) - you deserved it (8136)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

#2991676
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6024) - you deserved it (54058)

On 06/18/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by nerd (woman) - Finland (Eastern Finland)

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56357) - you deserved it (7233)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

#1564480
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16435) - you deserved it (39813)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)



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