xiar

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xiar

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 June 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1971
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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xiar's page activity

Visits<b>player20270</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 5:32pm<b>10220706</b> - the 06/02/2016 at 10:51am<b>EwahWeeWah</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 6:01pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 10:07pm<b>Mental_1456</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 1:53am<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 7:40pm<b>savagetitan</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 7:48am<b>theswanlake</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 1:38pm<b>tsommer</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 11:30am<b>xXSunshineXx1</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 11:33am<b>BrownLyons</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 10:34am<b>Kazze</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 4:08pm<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 12:44am<b>velocityraptor</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 3:47pm<b>Nailpolishaholic</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 8:44am<b>MissyPastaCreeps</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 10:16am<b>swmmrrnr</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 3:02pm<b>SwampNinja</b> - the 12/30/2014 at 6:20pm

xiar's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

xiar's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

by xXxJoe16xXx / 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML

by annonymous / 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

by fartlover / 11/27/2009 at 12:10am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2009 at 5:42am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

by DrGas / 09/04/2009 at 12:30am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

by DutchOven / 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

by poopshooter101 / 06/30/2009 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

by nerd / 06/18/2009 at 10:15am / Finland (Eastern Finland) / Transportation

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

by KarlwithaK / 05/18/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

by madzlovesgee / 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

by screamo / 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous