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xenoid

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xenoid

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  • Number of visits : 662
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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xenoid's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of xenoid's badges

xenoid's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

#17107547
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48517) - you deserved it (14385)

On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking down the street hand in hand with my girlfriend. I couldn't help but stare at a gorgeous girl as she bent down to pick something up. It was such a great sight, I didn't notice the metal telephone pole directly in my path. FML

#17094031
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10100) - you deserved it (91994)

On 07/13/2011 at 12:02pm - misc - by sorehead (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131075) - you deserved it (7330)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
528 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20273) - you deserved it (52283)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

#17046646
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29172) - you deserved it (3287)

On 07/09/2011 at 11:12pm - health - by ilovedirt - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML

#17037512
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38996) - you deserved it (3101)

On 07/09/2011 at 3:04am - misc - by JohnyP - United States (Ohio)

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

#17032745
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10439) - you deserved it (75528) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm - love - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

#17030177
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26043) - you deserved it (3184)

On 07/08/2011 at 4:02pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

#17015904
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62415) - you deserved it (4974)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by lizownsvirgy - United States (California)

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

#17013138
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46046) - you deserved it (25002)

On 07/07/2011 at 11:12am - misc - by Unknown - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

#17004643
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39724) - you deserved it (10800)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

#16867812
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9810) - you deserved it (24359)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm - kids - by Mommy - United States (Oregon)

Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML

#16860650
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38781) - you deserved it (15598)

On 06/26/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17460) - you deserved it (61278)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

#16844513
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38793) - you deserved it (16901)

On 06/25/2011 at 2:02am - love - by cek4uytp - United States (California)



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