xdust

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xdust

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3877
  • Number of comments : 175
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 25 posted

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xdust's page activity

Visits<b>BonerFart</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 2:45pm<b>raven83</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 9:53am<b>_kristaaxo</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 2:47am<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 9:17pm<b>xXGreninjaXx</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 12:55pm<b>Dugfire</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 9:34pm<b>JoshTheTacoMan</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 10:02am<b>coldasfire</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 7:38pm<b>redstone7693</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 11:10pm<b>Redskin9999</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 8:26pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 10:42pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 8:21am<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 3:46am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 11:16pm<b>cassiecassie559</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 7:16pm<b>ilikeirony</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 12:08pm<b>ferdiandthebull</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 9:07am<b>SKITTLZ2000</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 4:34am

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

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xdust's favorite FMLs

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

by anon / 12/27/2013 at 2:28am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison / 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Health

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 2:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

by jealouspussy / 02/20/2013 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

by xtammyle / 02/19/2013 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

by UnluckyInk / 02/18/2013 at 3:50am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

by UnluckyInk / 02/18/2013 at 3:50am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 2:19pm / Botswana (North-East) / Intimacy

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

by lex / 02/14/2013 at 6:01am / United States / Love

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

by excusemeprincess / 02/11/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.