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xXxstarlightxXx's favorite FMLs
by Username / 06/19/2011 at 5:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 11:43am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Ben / 06/18/2011 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
by callie / 06/18/2011 at 2:08am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
by Hannah / 06/17/2011 at 5:24pm / Ireland (Sligo) / Miscellaneous
Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation
Today, my boss was using my computer and tried to copy and paste a website URL. It must not have copied first, because it pasted a URL to a porn site. I think I should start looking for a new job. FML
by themanontheright / 03/01/2010 at 3:50pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I got a new laptop for Christmas. The picture on the box showed a woman balancing it on one finger to show how light it was, so I tried it myself. I dropped my laptop, breaking the hard drive and putting a massive crack down the screen. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 7:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML
by 20lbknockout / 10/20/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by SheWentCrayola / 10/16/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML
by annoyedguy / 06/30/2009 at 7:20am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by mehdi / 10/13/2008 at 4:20am / Miscellaneous
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