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xX_LilSammie_Xx's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML
by Nikse / 07/29/2009 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by hrtbrkn / 07/16/2009 at 9:44am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML
by poopshooter101 / 06/30/2009 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
by Señor Guapo / 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by ottawaaa / 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm.… Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed… Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You…