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xX_LilSammie_Xx

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xX_LilSammie_Xx

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 January 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1140
  • Number of comments : 140
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

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xX_LilSammie_Xx's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

#17338945
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49113) - you deserved it (9585)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:52am - intimacy - by INside (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML

#16922992
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34420) - you deserved it (4754)

On 06/30/2011 at 1:44pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

#16591956
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30493) - you deserved it (11877)

On 06/10/2011 at 5:57am - kids - by Rachel (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

#16589228
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46502) - you deserved it (7257)

On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

#15896173
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28324) - you deserved it (3967)

On 04/23/2011 at 9:11am - health - by cdn_steed - United States (New York)

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

#15703960
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32990) - you deserved it (7321)

On 04/09/2011 at 1:46am - intimacy - by fuundmental/// - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41966) - you deserved it (14397)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
699 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67973) - you deserved it (14707)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

#15398872
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45005) - you deserved it (8016)

On 03/20/2011 at 12:10pm - kids - by parenting_failure (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

#15334821
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14698) - you deserved it (45365)

On 03/16/2011 at 9:01am - work - by Almostfunny (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67482) - you deserved it (6339)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

#14806356
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38173) - you deserved it (7400)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

#14790156
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43462) - you deserved it (7653)

On 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by anon - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

#14442840
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32871) - you deserved it (5581)

On 01/02/2011 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

#14162171
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6044) - you deserved it (27270)

On 12/11/2010 at 2:12am - misc - by RingRing - United States (California)



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