Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

xSalashawty

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

xSalashawty

0Liked!

xSalashawtyxSalashawty
  • Town/Country : Hell, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 512
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About xSalashawty : Psychotic. c'x that one girl who has been known to fit the quote "it's the silent ones you have to look out for."

xSalashawty's page activity

Visits<b>olpally</b> - 17 hours ago<b>Kyle1dc</b> - yesterday at 7:32pm<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 1:01pm<b>depressed_child</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 11:59pm<b>bluemonkey16</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 12:14pm<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 12:41pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:48am<b>Senseless_487</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:17am<b>Benjaminkamp</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 8:34am<b>Garrett2818</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 12:55am<b>andy594328</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 12:42am<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 6:05pm<b>slooby</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 11:52am<b>mete_orito</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 3:40pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 3:34am<b>Dracoboxer357</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 7:53am<b>JoshuaOdom</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 7:36pm<b>tartar18</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 11:24am

xSalashawty's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of xSalashawty's badges

xSalashawty's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he gets grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

#21237548
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34642) - you deserved it (5615)

On 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm - kids - by cahsecuel (woman) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, after having multiple dreams where I have a daughter with my boyfriend, I'm now emotionally attached to a child who isn't real, and I get depressed when I can't be with her in real life. FML

#21237524
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33562) - you deserved it (7353)

On 08/14/2014 at 3:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35419) - you deserved it (21438)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

#21235686
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20606) - you deserved it (33886)

On 08/12/2014 at 6:21am - kids - by jake - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36139) - you deserved it (17547)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

#21206280
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37984) - you deserved it (3445)

On 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

#21191137
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38787) - you deserved it (7058)

On 06/28/2014 at 2:28am - health - by Madridsta - United States (California)

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

#21177356
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24166) - you deserved it (42556)

On 06/16/2014 at 10:45pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45860) - you deserved it (6951)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47053) - you deserved it (4771)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML

#21161740
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44551) - you deserved it (4192)

On 06/03/2014 at 3:01pm - misc - by mdsfkljsfsdrewr (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41023) - you deserved it (15309)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

#21102694
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40150) - you deserved it (9480)

On 04/02/2014 at 7:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it seems to have got to the point where I take fleas off my cat so often that I now have dreams about finding the biggest and most perfect flea. FML

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

#21074219
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42114) - you deserved it (19661)

On 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: