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xKandaxYuux's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML
by Adoptee / 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Kids
by no one / 05/21/2011 at 5:07am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by vaalcrawford / 05/11/2011 at 12:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML
by BrokeAndPsst / 04/12/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Now Single / 04/03/2011 at 4:06am / Reserved / Intimacy
Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML
by Nate / 03/31/2011 at 11:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 11:27am / United States (Missouri) / Work
by lizzy1843 / 01/26/2011 at 9:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
- Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he's unhappy with his life. He's basically with me because I… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided… Today, I painted and repaired two bookcases for my Grandma. As I was putting it all back together…