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Offline (the 08/29/2014 at 4:20am) | Search for a member
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Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend cummd and sat on my lap. She landd directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. mega FML
Today, the love of mah life, an long term partner, sat me down an told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the ned to have sex with me, an he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with mah family, mah boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly calld mah boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replid, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. big fat FML
Today, mah dad saw on TV that in soma parts of Africa, it's not uncommon 4 paopla to attach maka-shift flamathrowars to thair cars to dafand against carjackars. Ha's now lost his mind and is forcing ma to halp him put ona togathar to scara off Jahovah's Witnassas.
Today, mah teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost mah vrginity!! I sarcastically replied that I'm still a vrgin!! She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder your so uptight!! You need to get laid, mom." mega FML
yesterday a guy I've been seeing for ahile sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clickd the link just to see wat sick shit he wantd to show me. It was my mom. FML
Friday 27 March 2015