About wokawokanomnom : Currently goin to sac state to become a cop and i go on fmls to laugh at how stupid a lot of people can be
Mobility
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Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31983) - you deserved it (13800)
On 03/27/2013 at 1:04am - health - by first time at McDonald's in months... - United States
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36414) - you deserved it (3149)
On 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by movingout - Australia (Victoria)
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12586) - you deserved it (35229)
On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31448) - you deserved it (3273)
On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23889) - you deserved it (2652)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27106) - you deserved it (14052)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)
Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17407) - you deserved it (1018)
On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5385) - you deserved it (26375)
On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5101) - you deserved it (14842)
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7509) - you deserved it (28101)
On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18993) - you deserved it (3520)
On 09/03/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9011) - you deserved it (28976)
On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18517) - you deserved it (3434)
On 08/15/2012 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20963) - you deserved it (5054)
On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19457) - you deserved it (2061)
On 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm - health - by owwwww - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 20 May 2013
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