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withered

Offline (the 01/07/2015 at 11:31am) | Search for a member

withered

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  • Number of visits : 3099
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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withered's favorite FMLs

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

#9133208
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26954) - you deserved it (6962)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm - health - by liu_kang - United States

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

#9015230
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28593) - you deserved it (3100)

On 03/12/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by ugh - United States

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

#8991320
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8917) - you deserved it (46691)

On 03/11/2010 at 3:13am - misc - by ShowOff (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I woke up because I really had to pee. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Or so I thought. I did pee, but I only dreamed that I got out of bed. FML

#8972431
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (3789)

On 03/10/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by watersport (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

#8923957
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20165) - you deserved it (6098)

On 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm - health - by gotitEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a drunk truck driver taught me a very valuable lesson: Never tie your shoelaces in the middle of a parking lot. FML

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

#8883543
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8036) - you deserved it (33565)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:41am - health - by fatlady - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

#8882975
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26181) - you deserved it (3345)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:21am - love - by me - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

#8882513
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8870) - you deserved it (21817)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by OhaiiKid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

#8880583
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7445) - you deserved it (18064)

On 03/06/2010 at 10:56pm - work - by Maxx (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

#8878424
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26147) - you deserved it (3821)

On 03/06/2010 at 9:38pm - misc - by bathroomblunder (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

#8867961
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6208) - you deserved it (44132)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

#8862366
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6259) - you deserved it (35228)

On 03/06/2010 at 2:38am - animals - by drunk (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

#8851700
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23059) - you deserved it (2423)

On 03/05/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by artsmart1 - United States

Today, we were working with infant and adult CPR dummies. After practising flawless CPR on the adult dummy, I announced "And that's how you save someone." Then I tripped on the baby dummy and fell. My co-worker stood up and yelled out, "And that's how you kill a baby." FML

#8805170
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8573) - you deserved it (26588)

On 03/03/2010 at 7:07pm - misc - by DUMMIE (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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