withered

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withered

1Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 4287
  • Number of comments : 304
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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withered's page activity

Visits<b>URBeingLied2</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 7:32am<b>Tehlu</b> - the 06/26/2016 at 11:36am<b>Solsticee</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 6:45pm<b>RetroGameNinja</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 6:32pm<b>Faby96</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 2:36am<b>alexis8525</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 3:55pm<b>Shaky_Spear</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 3:39pm<b>stereomommy</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 7:24am<b>interesting33</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 5:12pm<b>Googolman</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 8:00am<b>Steephx0</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 8:58pm<b>indelicato12</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 8:01pm<b>wowthisislame</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 2:53pm<b>dumplings525</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 10:36am<b>ChiefRK</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 5:40pm<b>rockersxx</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 11:36am<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 5:17am<b>qteabutt</b> - the 05/30/2016 at 1:07pm

Fucked!<b>interesting33</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 6:46pm

withered's FML badges

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withered's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

by xXxJoe16xXx / 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

by Cpm / 11/30/2009 at 8:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

by moon_paw / 11/28/2009 at 11:17am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

by OpenWide / 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML

by Mr IT / 11/23/2009 at 8:47pm / Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan) / Work

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

by SeeBrendenBurn / 11/21/2009 at 3:28am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

by Grad2010 / 11/18/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

by Cellismasher / 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

by Sad / 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Money

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

by mylifesucks / 04/18/2009 at 3:20am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Love

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML

by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML

by FMluck / 02/26/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

by Noalixah / 10/26/2008 at 10:22pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous