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withered

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withered

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 3337
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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withered's favorite FMLs

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

#18378000
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11386) - you deserved it (35045)

On 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

#18374141
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29634) - you deserved it (8749)

On 11/28/2011 at 7:34am - misc - by Dani - Reserved

Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML

#18369717
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30384) - you deserved it (1831)

On 11/27/2011 at 8:07pm - misc - by wow - United States (Texas)

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

#18364433
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39245) - you deserved it (3243)

On 11/27/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15160) - you deserved it (52874)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

#18189501
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39345) - you deserved it (7701)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

#18134142
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33351) - you deserved it (15275)

On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

#18100630
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18197) - you deserved it (32674)

On 10/29/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by me - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after a root canal, I went to the pharmacy for some pain killers. The cute girl behind the counter asked what I needed. When I opened my mouth to tell her, a wave of drool hurtled out and splattered on the counter. FML

#17952669
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32391) - you deserved it (3566)

On 10/10/2011 at 3:44pm - love - by maninpain - Kenya

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

#17934685
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17537) - you deserved it (25403)

On 10/08/2011 at 11:36am - misc - by anonymous - Sri Lanka

Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML

#17932386
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12833) - you deserved it (39868)

On 10/08/2011 at 12:49am - work - by Laura - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

#17839732
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38396) - you deserved it (3159)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

#17838831
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37471) - you deserved it (7036)

On 09/26/2011 at 11:35am - intimacy - by Oops (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

#17823429
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54716) - you deserved it (2764)

On 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

#17803016
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36599) - you deserved it (5054)

On 09/22/2011 at 6:31am - love - by nicole - Reserved



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