withered

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withered

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4239
  • Number of comments : 281
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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withered's page activity

Visits<b>Solsticee</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 6:45pm<b>RetroGameNinja</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 6:32pm<b>Faby96</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 2:36am<b>alexis8525</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 3:55pm<b>Shaky_Spear</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 3:39pm<b>stereomommy</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 7:24am<b>interesting33</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 5:12pm<b>Googolman</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 8:00am<b>Steephx0</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 8:58pm<b>indelicato12</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 8:01pm<b>wowthisislame</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 2:53pm<b>dumplings525</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 10:36am<b>ChiefRK</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 5:40pm<b>rockersxx</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 11:36am<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 5:17am<b>qteabutt</b> - the 05/30/2016 at 1:07pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 05/30/2016 at 7:00am<b>gam3bust3r</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 1:16pm

Fucked!<b>interesting33</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 6:46pm

withered's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of withered's badges

withered's favorite FMLs

Today, I was once again called a "selfish bitch" because I don't want kids, even though I can't provide for them mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. FML

Today, my two moms were telling some fairly obscene jokes about their sex life. When I told them to stop making such vulgar jokes, they turned to me and said, "What makes you think we were joking?" They then clarified that they were in fact being completely serious. FML

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

by o_O / 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

by Dani / 11/28/2011 at 7:34am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML

by wow / 11/27/2011 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2011 at 6:46am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

by shootme / 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

by InstantHardOn / 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

by HOe HOe HOe / 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

by me / 10/29/2011 at 12:43am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy