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whyusofat's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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You've liked someone. How cute!
whyusofat's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
by uterurist / 11/22/2014 at 1:37pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML
by tiredofcrazy / 03/18/2014 at 5:14am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm / United States (New York) / Work
by PokeWife / 02/06/2013 at 8:38am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 1:00pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Kids
Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
by avoid the sour cream / 12/30/2012 at 1:14am / United States / Work
by melas303 / 12/29/2012 at 7:22pm / United States / Love
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 7:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health
by RyanJarmanForPresident / 11/23/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids
by lea5459 / 11/20/2012 at 1:47am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by jailofc / 11/07/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arizona) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 1:18am / United States (New Mexico) / Love
- Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex.… Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that… Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was…