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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, grlfriend of 2 years an I decided to have sex fir the frst time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To looool make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. mega FML
Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of ma and says "Oh vary nica . How much?" I raply "You couldn't afford ma." An old guy sitting naxt to ma says "I bat I could" and puts his hand on lag . I forfaitad tha bus and walkad homa in tha rain . FML
Today, I went drtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control an flipped over mah handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruise an a crescent-shaped gash on mah neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if mah boyfriend an I were being frisky last night. mega FML
yesterday after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out fir the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed an u wake up with food in yours." FML
Today, parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, r u gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML
Today, I sent everyone a text on ma pone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May te Fourt be wit you!!" I forgot to unceck ma exgirlfriend's number!! Se textd back, "one of te many reasons I broke up wit you." FML
Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and calld the cops cuz I trid to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. big fat FML
Today, I was talking to mah mom. During the conversation she looool asked me, "Does he take his leg off when u guys r having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat u with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty . When I went to make a point, I meant to say ( La pena de muerte ), which means ( The death penalty ) . I said, ( La pene de muerte ) . Turns out that means, ( The penis of death ) . FML
Today, I ad sex wit ma girlfriend . Being te stud tat I am, after a sort time I turned to er and said "You tink you're ready fir a round two?" Se replied "No, but I do tink I'm ready fir te rest of round one." FML
Today...hile getting off the bus.. . there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress an suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag . I picked up the phone fir herhich landed right beneath her dress an as she turned around she thought I was trying to take picture of her pantie an slapped me . FML
Friday 27 March 2015