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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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wheatie

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wheatie
  • Town/Country : Iowa, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2575
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About wheatie : i lovee Morgan E.S.!
-Morgan

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wheatie's favorite FMLs

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

#14170745 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (26788) - you deserved it (3364)

On 12/11/2010 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbor, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML

#14059458 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (5734)

On 12/02/2010 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by nickyboy (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

#13762266 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (22377) - you deserved it (3750)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

#13756412 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (12470) - you deserved it (39098)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

#13642352 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (40690) - you deserved it (2735)

On 10/29/2010 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

#13612697 (94)

I agree, your life sucks (7471) - you deserved it (19622)

On 10/27/2010 at 7:47am - kids - by Lisaaa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML

#13493861 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (8700) - you deserved it (14952)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:39am - work - by andibartle - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

#13490049 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (36898) - you deserved it (2596)

On 10/17/2010 at 8:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

#13481200 (293)

I agree, your life sucks (29811) - you deserved it (6024)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

#13469972 (209)

I agree, your life sucks (24450) - you deserved it (4664)

On 10/16/2010 at 8:31am - love - by married - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324 (342)

I agree, your life sucks (26946) - you deserved it (15287)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

#13424544 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (9743) - you deserved it (21281)

On 10/12/2010 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving down the road. A giant seagull flew into my windsheild and shattered it. If that is not bad enough, the carcass slid up my windshield, into my sunroof, and suddenly I had a bloody, dead passenger. FML

#13368913 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (22077) - you deserved it (1767)

On 10/08/2010 at 7:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

#13245157 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (12283) - you deserved it (25579)

On 09/29/2010 at 1:59am - intimacy - by Claire (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML

#13241865 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (30747) - you deserved it (1920)

On 09/28/2010 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)