About what_a_mystery : i like peanut butter
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what_a_mystery's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML
by Alec / 06/15/2011 at 5:02am / United States / Health
by MegaBear / 06/15/2011 at 1:46am / United States / Work
by Username / 06/15/2011 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Health
by Username / 06/14/2011 at 10:38pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 06/14/2011 at 8:59pm / United States (Maine) / Work
Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML
by Savannah / 06/14/2011 at 8:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by hatelife / 06/14/2011 at 2:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML
by :( / 06/14/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by ugh / 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML
by patrickalamo / 06/14/2011 at 10:23am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML
by mimabee / 06/14/2011 at 9:56am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by lalala / 06/14/2011 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML
by techiefIve / 06/14/2011 at 6:04am / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML
by facepalm / 06/14/2011 at 4:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't… Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted… Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm.…