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what_a_mystery's favorite FMLs
by oopsies / 07/04/2011 at 5:11am / United States / Animals
Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML
by Gustav Fjorder / 07/04/2011 at 3:27am / Switzerland / Miscellaneous
by monquiqui / 07/04/2011 at 1:45am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML
by emegemerald / 07/04/2011 at 12:13am / United States / Animals
by wastedbaby / 07/03/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health
by beablue18 / 07/03/2011 at 8:27pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Miscellaneous
by drunkinriot / 07/03/2011 at 7:04pm / United States / Health
by siannacasey / 07/03/2011 at 4:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2011 at 12:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
by dee / 07/03/2011 at 1:36am / United States / Kids
Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML
by jreed509 / 07/03/2011 at 1:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, "I don't know". She's 14 years old and on the honour roll, and yet she can't tell the time on an analogue clock. FML
by sadmother / 07/01/2011 at 7:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/01/2011 at 6:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 07/01/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML
by xXx3mi_MuffinxXx / 07/01/2011 at 3:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…
- Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit… Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told… Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as…