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Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she will be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8019) - you totally deserved it (51795)
On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57562) - you totally deserved it (1823)
On 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40586) - you totally deserved it (5987)
On 06/06/2009 at 10:14pm - misc - by fatty - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39739) - you totally deserved it (1227)
On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5006) - you totally deserved it (40910)
On 05/30/2009 at 8:48am - kids - by Jess (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31993) - you totally deserved it (5051)
On 05/30/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36413) - you totally deserved it (2330)
On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by mraow123 (man) - United States
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42823) - you totally deserved it (3258)
On 05/30/2009 at 12:24am - kids - by sdasdflkjas (woman) - United States
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5130) - you totally deserved it (101357)
On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friend paypal'd me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote "to get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27871) - you totally deserved it (2292)
On 05/29/2009 at 9:15am - money - by Jordan (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while waitressing at the Mexican restaurant I work at, a customer walks up and asks me why an Asian is working at a Mexican restaurant. I say I don't know and he then starts calling me many derogatory Asian names and leaves. Funny thing is I'm not at all asian. I'm Mexican. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36627) - you totally deserved it (1433)
On 05/29/2009 at 12:42am - work - by Via_Baudelaire (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my next door neighbor told me that his good looking mom has to get curtains for her bed room because she saw some "perv" looking at her while she was changing last night. It's not my fault that my bedroom window has a perfect view of hers and that she has no drapes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7570) - you totally deserved it (45153)
On 05/29/2009 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Itwasfunwhileitlasted (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38422) - you totally deserved it (1505)
On 05/28/2009 at 12:52pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been sexually harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38351) - you totally deserved it (2815)
On 05/27/2009 at 12:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML
I agree, your life sucks (36664) - you totally deserved it (1358)
On 05/27/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by Brook363 (woman) - United States (California)
