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Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18359) - you deserved it (1825)
On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17601) - you deserved it (4345)
On 09/13/2010 at 7:40pm - work - by Drunk - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11100) - you deserved it (44069)
On 08/26/2010 at 1:33am - animals - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29579) - you deserved it (5083)
On 08/07/2010 at 7:01am - love - by Single (woman) - France (Bretagne)
Today, I woke up crying in the middle of a nightmare in which my boyfriend of 8 months shot me through the heart whilst laughing as I screamed 'I Love You'. After I told him about this, he took me into his arms as I cried, stroked my back and said, 'What kind of gun was it?' FML
I agree, your life sucks (22805) - you deserved it (5107)
On 03/12/2010 at 8:17am - love - by justlittleoldme (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6577) - you deserved it (17483)
On 03/06/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5192) - you deserved it (12886)
On 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm - work - by militiousroflcopter (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9298) - you deserved it (16964)
On 02/09/2010 at 2:10pm - misc - by kingmetal42 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38007) - you deserved it (2299)
On 02/09/2010 at 7:22am - health - by SickSmick (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26979) - you deserved it (2918)
On 02/07/2010 at 9:18am - work - by Ryan - Sent from mobile version
Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17797) - you deserved it (1662)
On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4615) - you deserved it (27535)
On 12/17/2009 at 11:29pm - misc - by nwalsh2009 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9473) - you deserved it (26501)
On 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm - work - by Jen (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39889) - you deserved it (8257)
On 10/07/2009 at 3:05am - work - by screwed (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31995) - you deserved it (2962)
On 09/13/2009 at 12:26am - love - by broken (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 17 June 2013
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