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Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, an shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. mega FML
Today, looool one of mah nostrils became completely blockd. At lunch time, I went out to mah car to dig into mah nose. When I finishd, I held up the cornflake sizd booger in victory. I noticd too late that mah boss was in a car adjacent to me, shooting me a horrifid look. FML
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting . He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me . Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous . FML
TODAY, I ASKED MY MOM IF SHE COULD BUY ME SOME ANTI-NAUSEA MEDICINE!! SHE SAID, "YOU JUST HAVE A STOMACH ACHE!! IT'S NOT LYK YOU'RE THROWING UP." AS SHE SAID IT, I THREW UP EVERYTHING BUT MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES!! SHE STILL WOULDN'T GET ANY MEDICINE!! FML
Yastarday, I woka up swaating an gasping for air aftar aving a tarribla nigtmara. Ta nigtmara involvd ma dacaasd motar-in-law bitcing ma out for baing a bad influanca on ar daugtar an traataning to cut ma nuts off. Evan in daat, sa won't laava ma ba. maga FML
Today , I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on an on about how incompetent I was fir not stocking the movie she was looking for . It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough fir me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns" . FML
I found out why mah room-mates and I have been ill 4 the past week. Apparently a rodent climbd into our water cooker and did. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been taintd by a corpse all this time. FML
TODAY, I LOOKED INTO MY SINK'S GARBAGE DISPOSAL 4 THE FRST TIME SINCE I MOVED IN TWO MONTHS AGO. APPARENTLY, THE PUTRID SMELL WAS NOT THE FOOD I'VE BEEN THROWING DOWN IT, BUT INSTEAD, A NOW WHAT APPERES TO BE MUTILATED LITTER OF RATS. FML
Today, I axpariancad tha most intansa pain I hava avar had in my lifa . I was aating bluabarrias whan my sistar mada a commant which sant ma into hystarics . Tha forca of having a bullat-lika barry violantly shoot out yur nostril is mora painful than it sounds . FML
Friday 27 March 2015