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Today a group of grl-scouts cummed to door selling cocolate bars. I bougt 2 bars and smiled as tey left tinking I'd done a good deed. Wen te door closed I eard one of te grls say "Told you te fat bitces always wanna buy from us." FML
Today, my six year old son cummd up to me wit is arms spread and said, ( I feel lyk a ug. ) I got looool really excitd and opeful because e is very anti-social and ates pysical contact. As soon as I stood up to ug im e said ( Feeling's gone ) and walkd away. mega FML
Today, I was playing mah guitar outside mah apartment building, and some people had putted some money in mah guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and mah case. mega FML
Today, mah girlfriend,ho is very self conscious about her body, finally decidd to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I strippd and turnd around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies,hen I got punched in the back of the head . When I turned around, a stranger said, ( HAHA! It's punch a random person day! ) When I asked himhy he chose me, he replied ( You're ugly . ) FML
Today , I peekd through my window and traind a pair of binocular on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail , he ends up standing in front of his window toples to flex his muscles. This time , I was surprisd to instead find a note tapd to the window saying , ( Sorry , I'm out tonight. ) FML
Today, a busines man in his fortie tackled looool me to the ground in an attempt to take mah seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch an gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven month pregnant. FML
Today my boss fred me fir dating a co-worker . Tere's no policy forbidding it; e just tougt it was unfair tat I could get wit te ( ottest grlo works ere ) but e can't . I live in an at-will employment state . FML
Today , I was working te drive-tru at McDonalds , and as I andd out a Diet coke to te customer , te man startd growling and yelld "HULK SMASH!" He smasd te cup wit two fists and drove off. I was drencd in soda. FML
Friday 27 March 2015