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wayham22's FML badges
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wayham22's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
by moonstone15 / 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML
by jshi8 / 08/04/2011 at 10:35am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Bobsaget00 / 08/04/2011 at 6:19am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by SydIsPrettyCool / 08/04/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by whatnot / 08/04/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by roze198765 / 08/03/2011 at 9:19pm / United States / Animals
Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by creepedout / 07/31/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
by NaomiMadison / 07/30/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Kids
by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML
by someone / 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm / United States / Intimacy
by anonymous / 07/28/2011 at 1:39am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by freakfreak12345 / 07/19/2011 at 12:41pm / United States (Maine) / Animals
- Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me… Today, I found out that my partner thinks love is more meaningful than sex, so it's okay to stick… Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to…