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Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replid, "Children don't have sex like this," and startd making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
yesterday at work, a werd old woman cummd up to me and told me that it's okay: bieng ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamd of, and that it's wat inside that counts . She then huggd looool me and walkd away . real FML
Today , mah five year old ran down the street wereing nothing but flip flops , Star Wars underwear , an a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton rackethile screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in mah pajamas. FML
Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured ma eart and soul out to ma old teddy bear. Wen I finised, I asked wat e would do in ma situation. Rigt on cue, a gust of wind cummed troug te window and sent im falling off te windowsill and crasing ead-first onto te floor. FML
I excitedly showed mah new roommate mah pet fish. She then looool told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
Friday 27 March 2015