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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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watchme's favorite FMLs
Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML
by thanks, Nemo. / 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by yayme. / 07/11/2013 at 6:26pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by vet1 / 07/11/2013 at 11:18am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work
Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 10:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML
by shouldbehappyiguess / 07/11/2013 at 2:20am / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/10/2013 at 11:04pm / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/10/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by my honest father / 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML
by RickTheBoy / 07/10/2013 at 8:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was over my grandparents' house for my grandfather's birthday. For years they would talk to each other in Italian and I could never understand them, so I started to take an online class to teach myself Italian. Now I know all they talk about is how much they hate everything about me. FML
by mike / 07/10/2013 at 3:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by cristy91 / 07/10/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML
by tonedef / 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." Then he walked away. FML
by help / 07/09/2013 at 4:57pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Geek
- Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom,… Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super… Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't…