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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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watchme's favorite FMLs
Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML
by ........................... / 07/25/2013 at 12:17pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Love
Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML
by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 2:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML
by GeeThanks / 07/24/2013 at 10:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML
by ouch / 07/24/2013 at 2:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 12:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by CapNCook / 07/24/2013 at 5:15am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 3:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by oddgrrl99 / 07/23/2013 at 6:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by bri_sci94 / 07/23/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by amanda / 07/23/2013 at 1:17am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
by suckstosuck / 07/23/2013 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML
by RonnieG / 07/22/2013 at 6:30pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 2:30pm / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Love
by nowimbroketoo / 07/22/2013 at 1:47pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…